I had a hulk moment today; am sporting self inflicted bruises now. Plus I’m exhausted, drained, and a bit miserable that I gave in to it. Was only brief but felt like a lifetime. The fatigue and the aftereffects have lasted all day since my hulk out. I want to change my cycle but keep … Continue reading Hulk! Smash! 🤬
I’ve swung between anorexia, bulimia and bing eat disorder for approximately 16 years, and I’m now in recovery from all. But my BPD meds made me gain a great deal of weight in a very short space of time. I’ve switched them, and am now maintaining. As in, not gaining nor losing. I honestly don’t … Continue reading Old Habits Die Hard 😒
So many side effects of my meds, I can’t keep track. Now we can add sex aversion to the ever-growing list, as well as joint and muscle pain that makes even walking incredibly painful. Looks like I’ve shat my pants, honestly, ffs... The BPD didn’t just give me a high sex drive; it also made … Continue reading Who The Fuck Am I? 🤔
I hate myself because no one ever loved me enough. No one loved me enough, so I never learnt how to love myself. I really try to though, but it’s so hard to teach yourself something that should’ve been taught easily from birth.
Going manic and spending far too much money on shit. Not being able to return or cancel orders as they’ve already been shipped. Wondering why you need so much decoupage stuff when you’ve never been interested in it before. This is going to bug me a while.
I’ve done a lot of stupid shit the last few months coz of my mental health. I thought I was ok, but except for giving me acne, fucked up periods, dodgy joints and bigger boobs, my new meds haven’t actually done much besides curb my anger, irritation and sadness. My anxiety is sky high in … Continue reading Still Breathing 💨
I’ve never been very good at self care. I’ve never been very good at mindfulness, or relaxation. I don’t know how to do it, and I don’t know how to relax. I cleaned the house today, made my phone calls, sorted out appointments for me and my son, got kids to school.... then didn’t know … Continue reading Here’s Looking At You, Kid 😑
I’m on a downer. I’m apathetic and feel dead. I’m tired, weak, and everything has slowed down. My speech is slurred, my reflexes are slower, n my body aches. My brain isn’t working. I feel sedated. I’ve been exhausted all day despite sleeping well last night. My vision is blurry. I feel dead inside. Empty. … Continue reading Swing, Swing, From The Tangles of My Heart 😒
My moods shift so suddenly I start to doubt my own choices, thoughts, feelings, decisions..... “I liked that yesterday but hate it today”. “I was in a good mood now I’m utterly depressed”... so was I really ok or merely having a manic? The bpd mind is pure confusion. It’s like living in a perpetual … Continue reading Paradoxes, Everywhere! 🤯
Self-doubt is also a big part of being borderline. Did I really say that? Do I really think that? Am I really fine? Do I really love him? Do I even like her? Ugh. Everything has the potential to cast self-doubt. I was in a really good mood last few weeks. I bought things for … Continue reading Questions, Questions, Questions! 🤦♀️