I’m on a downer.
I’m apathetic and feel dead. I’m tired, weak, and everything has slowed down. My speech is slurred, my reflexes are slower, n my body aches. My brain isn’t working. I feel sedated. I’ve been exhausted all day despite sleeping well last night. My vision is blurry.
I feel dead inside. Empty. Numb. Like I’m drowning and struggling to keep afloat; my fingernails clawing at the surface of the water, to keep my head above the crashing waves… and breathing.
I’m somehow still breathing. I want to keep breathing.
I’m selfish. I’m cruel. I try not to be, but sometimes I have no control. Can’t stand this sickness anymore. But it’s here; it’s part of me. This too shall pass. It’s just one turn on the rollercoaster that is living with borderline personality disorder… Swings and roundabouts.
This is a dip, that’s all. Yet it consumes me.