Self-doubt is also a big part of being borderline. Did I really say that? Do I really think that? Am I really fine? Do I really love him? Do I even like her? Ugh. Everything has the potential to cast self-doubt.
I was in a really good mood last few weeks. I bought things for the house, I smiled more, I laughed harder. I was calmer. I actually left the house often. My parenting greatly improved, I became more organised…. I reached out to friends I’d not spoken to in months….. But now I’ve crashed, am tired, irritable, withdrawing again, I can’t help but think… was I *really* ok or was I having a mania? Ugh hard work. Don’t know what’s real or not real anymore.
I’ll pull through like I always have, but I hate the inconsistency. I want an emotional baseline. I don’t feel like I’m asking for a lot here!