I’ve never been very good at self care. I’ve never been very good at mindfulness, or relaxation. I don’t know how to do it, and I don’t know how to relax.
I cleaned the house today, made my phone calls, sorted out appointments for me and my son, got kids to school…. then didn’t know what to do. I feel stressed and tired, and I hate feeling stressed and tired, especially when I’ve basically done fuck all….
So I watched a couple of movies on Netflix. Wrapped up warm. May even have a nap. Anything the numb these feelings that aren’t really feelings. I genuine feel fine, but can’t quite put my finger on it…. I’m tired, and can feel the depression creeping in, but I genuinely feel fine. I’m doing what needs to be done, but with apathy and exhaustion. I don’t really want to do it, can’t be bothered doing it…. yet do it anyway.
I’m so tired, because that’s depression… and it’s so much more than a feeling.